I've been shy and quiet my whole life. I would rather find a quiet place to be alone and read or write then be in a noisy crowd of people. I do my best work alone. I have always done better alone. I'm an introvert, nerd, bookworm, and weirdo but I also have social anxiety.
Social Anxiety is much more than just being shy and awkward. Your mind is constantly wondering and questioning things like what should I say? Should I say anything at all? Will this make me look stupid? and more. You could be in a room full of people and your social anxiety makes you think that they all don't like you or they are all staring at you or something. You have a hard time with eye contact because of it. I fidget a lot because of it. It's isolating but I have been getting better with it since using social media. I am better talking in text than in voice. I tend to talk to fast and my voice trembles and I sometimes stutter. Social Anxiety makes you feel invisible. You can get better with time and with people who understand you. It's hard finding people who understand you though. I don't have many people who understand me.
I've always been the quiet one all through school and even now. I have a few close friends who I love. I would be the one in the back reading and hoping I didn't get called on. I hated when we had to get in groups for projects because I was always last to find a group and I was usually put into one like a 3rd wheel or something. I always did my best work alone without having to depend on anyone else.I always hated being the first one done with a test or something. I always waited for others to be done before I got up.
Knowing there are thousands of people out there who feel the way I do does make me feel better it always does. I often get so nervous when I am with people and hardly like doing anything but when I am by myself I can do just about anything. It's freeing to me to be by myself.
It's hard to make friends being the way that I am. I love the fandoms I belong to but I always long to have friendships in those fandoms. I see other people being friends and I wish I could have that but I never know how to go about doing it.
This is basically me everyday and it is really sad. I always keep hoping that one day I will have online friends again.
I get told things like "don't be shy", "Don't you ever speak?", and "Don't be nervous". This by people who are close to me actually and it hurts. It's not like a light switch I can just turn off and on. It's doesn't work like that.
It makes you want to grab people and shake them and say "what don't you understand? I can't just not be shy or anxious or nervous." That's when you wish you had someone who understood you instead of belittling you. People with social anxiety don't want to have it. We don't want to be shy, awkward, quiet, and nervous. We don't want to constantly have "what if" thoughts running through our heads. We want to be like everyone else but we're not. This is who we are. We struggle with this everyday. We are kind, loving, compassionate, passionate, hard working, and friendly and people would know that if they would just get to know us and let us show them who we really are. We often get dismissed and ignored for being quiet and sometimes we don't even get seen. We want to have friendships, relationships, and live normal lives but it's really hard for us. A little understanding and kindness goes a long way.
In a world where I don't often feel like I belong anywhere, my Idol Jennifer Morrison and my favorite shows and fandoms make me feel like I do belong somewhere no matter how alone and invisible I feel sometimes. I relate to Emma Swan on a personal level she never felt like she belonged anywhere and always thought she would be alone forever and she found where she belongs and that makes me feel and believe that I will too! It's my dream to meet Jennifer Morrison someday and I pray every night that it comes true!
This is my life. This is what I have to deal with just about everyday. It's hard but all I can do is take it day by day and hope that one day I will find my happiness and life passion. If I can make it through this you can too. Never give up hope!
I love Jennifer Morrison with all of my heart!
~Peace and Love~
I had been wanting to see this movie for a very long time and Friday night I finally watched it on Netflix and let me tell you it was worth the wait. This movie brings all the feels, sadness, hope, happiness, and everything in between.
Sun Dogs is about a sweet young man named Ned Chipley. Ned just wants to become a Marine, save lives, and kill the terrorists. He goes down to the recruitment office over and over trying to prove to them that he is ready to become a Marine. However do to his "condition" he is not able to become a Marine so Master Sergeant Jenkins makes him a special operative and tells him it's more important to protect people on the home front. He tells Ned his unit is called Sun Dogs. Ned takes his mission to heart and goes on an adventure with a beautiful but troubled young lady named Tally to catch terrorists in their own backyard. Ned first meets Tally at the casino where he works. The Sun Dogs unit doesn't quite work out but in the end, Ned finally realizes how he can help people. Even Ned's mom, Rose ends up following her dream as well.
Sun Dogs is a special movie with a very beautiful message. "Every man needs a purpose" - Sergeant Master Jenkins. All Ned wanted was a purpose in life which is what we all want. I'm 30 and even I don't know what my purpose in life is yet. This movie gave me hope that I too will find my purpose.
There is also a message about suicide in this movie. Tally's mother killed herself by throwing herself off a bridge. I felt so bad for Tally. "Hello, how are you today?" is a simple yet powerful question. You can change just one person's mind about committing suicide just by asking them this question and this question gave Ned his purpose in life.
Sun Dogs was directed by my Idol, Jennifer Morrison who also plays Marie in the movie. Jennifer inspires me each and every day. I couldn't be more proud of her. This movie has won her many award all of which she deserves. I know she will win "Best Director" someday. Her adorable dog Ava even made a cameo as Waffles the neighbor's dog that Ned takes care of.
I loved Sun Dogs so much! The entire cast was perfect, the chemistry was beautiful, and the directing was brilliant! I intend to watch this many more times. I highly recommend this movie to everyone. You can watch it on Netflix right now!
Just one question though, Did Bob ever find the gold? ( if you have watched the movie already then you know what I'm talking about).
go to my instagram lilsouthernhaler if you want to see my instagram story about Sun Dogs where these pics are from. Also we Jennifer Morrison fans who love Sun Dogs are called Swan Dogs!
~Peace and love~
I am probably one of the biggest nerds. I love Fantasy, Sci Fi, superheroes, comics, and cosplay. It's been a lifelong dream of mine to go to Comic Con someday. My fandoms include, Once Upon A Time, Supergirl, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, and more. I'm weird and I'm proud. I wear glasses. I love to read and the list goes on and on. I will be 30 on Wednesday (Jan 31st) and I often get told that I am too old to love what I love and who I love and it's just not true. It all makes me who I am and that will never change. What I love makes me happy, it helps me get through hard times, and yes it hurts to be told that I am too old to love what I love but I will never stop loving them. Nobody can take that away from me.
I have Social Anxiety. I have had it all my life and I have been the quiet and shy girl all my life too. It makes you feel alone and then you find things you are passionate about, fandoms to belong too and suddenly you don't feel as alone anymore. Being a part of my fandoms and having the passions that i do gives me a sense of purpose. A lot of times with Social Anxiety, you don't feel like you have a purpose in the world, people don't understand you, and then you find those special fandoms, a place where people share similar passions as you do and you start to feel understood for once. That's what my fandoms do for me. No matter how old I get, I will always be a part of the fandoms I love and I will always love what I love.
Basically, if you have ever felt like me, been made fun of like me, felt alone, and then found a fandom or fandoms to belong to, don't let those go no matter what anyone says. If it makes you happy then that is all that matters. You can be a teenager, in your 20's, 30's, 40's, and even older, it doesn't matter how old you are, don't let anyone take what you love away from you. You are never too old to be a fangirl, you are never too old to belong to a fandom, you are never too old to go to comic con, you are never to old to cosplay, you are never too old to collect special items from your fandom, you are never too old to play retro video games like I do, and you are never too old to be yourself and love what you love.
Be strong enough and brave enough to say "This is who I am. This is what I love, and you can't take that away from me. You will never change me." Always be yourself and always remember, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Suess. That is one of my all time favorite quotes.
~Peace and Love~
Here we are at the end of 2017. This year went by so fast. 2017 was a year full of ups and downs. From hurricanes, to fires, to the cold now, racial tensions, North Korea, mass shootings, Trump, and the sexual harassment (assault) claims and the feminist marches. Yes 2017 left me feeling sad, ashamed, scared, but also hopeful at some points as well.
2017 in review:
Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, and Maria and the horrific wild fires in California and other western states proves that climate change and global warning are real. Trump pulling the US out of the Paris agreement was so dumb but I am proud that a lot of states are committed to fighting global warming. Animals are dying, polar bears are starving, bees have been dying and it's humans fault. With all of our pollution we are slowly killing the earth and we all need to change our ways to save it. Recycle, use as much green energy sources as you can, don't litter, and reduce as much of the pollution as you can. We need to do everything we can to preserve this planet for future generations and animals. Animals deserve to live on this planet more than we do. They are more compassionate than we are as well.
The North Korea nuclear war threat is just down right terrifying. I have always said that Trump is going to get us all killed and if we don't do something soon he will.
All the mass shootings that have happened I just have no words for that. It's all just sad and we need Gun Control NOW!! How many innocent people must die before we finally get gun control? The senseless and heart break shootings need to stop and I hope 2018 is the year that they do.
And finally, kudos to all the women and men who have come forward with their claims of sexual harassment (assault). That took a lot of courage and I applaud all of you. The feminist marches were inspiring and hopeful. I truly wish I could have been apart of one.
We still have a long way to go and I hope 2018 is the beginning of a good turn around for everyone and the world! We still have a long way to go to achieve equality, peace, love, and compassion. Humanity has let me down so much in 2017. We can all do better and we must do better!
As for me, I've moved back to Virginia from living in Florida for the past 10 years and I am hopeful for my photography career ( * fingers crossed*). It is now officially January and it is my birthday month. I turn 30 on January 31st and there will be a rare blue blood red supermoon on my birthday and I will do my best to see it.
As for my resolutions, they are simple really:
Enjoy the little things
Take more pictures
Read more
Write more
and spread more love!
Happy 2018 y'all!!!
~peace and love~
Far be it from me to rant on a subject like this being a straight female, but I had to. This has happened over and over and I needed to speak my peace on it. On Thursday, Heterosexual Pride Day trended on Twitter again just like it has multiple times in the past and the same stuff always happens when it does. I get curious and read the tweets from it and I was not surprised one bit from what I read. First and foremost, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS HETEROSEXUAL PRIDE DAY!!! We don't need a pride day. We aren't the ones being discriminated, disowned, beaten, and even killed for our sexual orientation but the LGBTQ+ community is and that is why they have their pride parades. Until all of that happens to us straight people, we don't need a pride. We can walk down the street hold hands with the ones we love and show affection and nobody would bat an eye because we are straight but LGBTQ+ get harassed, beaten and even killed for it and that is why we have straight privilege just like there is white privilege. You don't have to experience it but we do have it and we always will until everyone is entirely equal. Everything else the rest of the year is about us, we don't need to hijack other people's celebrations. It's not for us and it will never be for us. We can support them, lift them up, and most importantly listen to them but we don't need to invade their spaces and take away things that are important to them. So this whole Heterosexual Pride thing needs to stop seriously I am so so sick of seeing it on Twitter and it makes me ashamed to be heterosexual every time I see it.
Every time this trends on Twitter I think that it has to be homophobic trolls who start it and the rest just falls for it and it snowballs and it trends. That's exactly what they want and every time the trolls get their way. They just want attention and that's what they get every time this trends. Heterosexual Pride Day is not thing so don't make it a thing on Twitter don't allow it to trend and it won't blow up anymore. I was reading the tweets about it and it made me sad. Hate going back and forth. I understand the frustration and the anger but it's dumb to make something that's not a thing to begin with into a thing. It's just sad. I saw someone say that straight people should go extinct and being straight that made me sad. There is so little compassion, kindness, acceptance, and love in the world and that is really sad. Everyone just doesn't think anymore it's all emotion based and that is when bad things happen. There is no rational thought processes anymore. We need to let people be who they are with less judgments and more love. Everyone is normal and everyone deserves love, acceptance, and equality. Gay people are normal, Lesbians are normal, Bisexual people are normal, Transgender people are normal, everyone is normal and everyone deserves to be loved. You are all loved and if you need a friend, I will be your friend. I just wish society could be better and realize that everyone is normal no matter who we are, what we look like, or who we love, and everyone deserves representation as well. Diversity is a beautiful thing.
Another sad thing though is my Idol, Jennifer Morrison is the sweetest most compassionate woman. She even went and marched in the NYC Pride Parade this past weekend, however, some people on her instagram and twitter used that as an opportunity to be cruel to her. It was absolutely uncalled for. They called her homophobic among other things and why because she doesn't acknowledge their ship which never existed in the first place. Someone actually went and saw her play and went to meet her afterwards and recorded themselves being rude to her and it caught her off guard and people lost their minds. They thought she didn't care about the LGBTQ community and she does. She cares about everyone. She cares about all her fans. She loves all her fans. If she didn't she wouldn't take the time to meet us after her play every night, she wouldn't do the OUAT cons at all either. I wish and dream that one day I get the chance to meet her. All the hate she got just made me sad is all. She doesn't deserve that at all. She is an amazing ally to the LGBTQ community and is so full of love. I love you Jen and I always will. Keep smiling and shining. You inspire me everyday!
Well, I guess that's it. We need more love in this world. Humanity is really sad these days. Maybe one day it will be better.
~Peace and Love~
Pop vinyls, you know the cute little figures made by Funko, I had my heart set on a particular one for a while and when I was finally able to buy it I was overjoyed. It was the first one I wanted and first one I bought. It was Emma Swan from Once Upon A Time!
Emma Swan, The Savior, a heroine, badass, a princess, full of hope, love, strength, and the character I related to more than any other character I have loved. I have already written a post about why I love Emma Swan so I won't go into all of that again. However, I will say that Emma Swan taught me to never give up and to always have hope.Even in my hardest times when all I wanted to do was give up, seeing Jennifer Morrison play Emma Swan gave me the strength and hope I needed to hang on. She showed that sometimes, we women are the ones that do the saving and that we are strong and can do anything we put our minds to. If anyone were to ask me who my favorite Disney princess is, without a doubt and without any hesitation I will say Emma Swan. She may not be an official Disney princess but she should be. I will never love another character as much as I do Emma Swan.
There would be no Emma Swan without Jennifer Morrison. She put everything into playing Emma and she inspires me everyday. Jen is one of my idols that's for sure. I love Jen with all of my heart. She deserves all the happiness and success and love in the world!
Why does having this pop vinyl mean so much to me? Every time I look at it, it reminds me of all the hard times I had and all the times Emma Swan gave me hope to keep going and hang on just a little longer. It's a symbol of hope to me just as Emma Swan is a symbol of hope as well. It will always be one of my most prized possessions. Every time I need hope, all I have to do is look at my Emma Pop vinyl and I instantly feel better. Emma Swan made me feel less alone in this world as an introvert, a nerd, a bookworm, the quiet one who hardly gets noticed, and just as a fangirl!
I am a Oncer and an Ugly Duckling forever!
~Peace and Love~
Well, this week has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster. First, we got the amazing musical and Captain Swan wedding episode this past Sunday, then on Monday Jennifer Morrison posted that she won't be coming back for season 7 but did promise 1 episode at this point and then yesterday, they announced that there is going to be a season 7! I feel bittersweet about season 7 since almost all of my favorites are leaving including Jen (Emma Swan) my favorite character ever! My heart broke when I read that Jen wouldn't be coming back for season 7 on Monday. I cried, a lot. Emma Swan is more than just the Savior and/or a character, she is hope! She's given me hope when I had none, she's made me believe that anything is possible and that love and happy endings are possible for everyone, and she's made me feel less alone when I've felt alone. I relate to her more than any other character I have loved. It will be hard not seeing Emma in season 7 but I understand and respect Jen's decision 100% and will always support her in everything she does. It will be a lot different without a lot of the main cast in season 7, but I will still watch it along with Jen. I would never give up and just quit on OUAT no matter what, hell I couldn't stop watching Mistresses when Alyssa Milano left so, yeah. OUAT is a part of me no matter what.
Me on May 7th!
Me on May 8th
Me on May 11th
So that pretty much sums up my emotional roller coaster all week. This Sunday, is the season finale (finale battle). I still don't want Emma Swan to die, she doesn't deserve that at all. That would be so far beyond cruel to do her, you can't even see the line anymore. It would be beyond cruel in general as well. To build up Captain Swan and Emma's character development over the past years only to have them get married finally and then smash it all like a bug is stupid, mean, cruel, and everything in between. Just please don't kill Emma Swan! Also, to the people who say they can just replace Jen and have a new Emma Swan, shut up! Emma Swan is irreplaceable and the only Emma Swan is Jennifer Morrison. She can never be replaced by anyone and never will be so let that stupid notion go right now!
Actual representation of me watching The Final Battle (Season finale on Sunday night)
That's pretty much how I will be watching it. Every day leading up to this finale I just keep getting more worried about Emma's fate but I also have hope that they will do right by her. Just things I've read here and there have given me hope for Emma Swan.
I will always love Jennifer Morrison and Emma Swan no matter what. They will both always have a special place in my heart and to those saying they won't watch season 7, I beg you to just give it a chance we don't know how they will do it yet or what they will do but we all need to give it a chance to see what they come up with. I know it will be hard, it will be hard for me as well but I will never stop watching my favorite show no matter what! As long as there are new episodes, seasons, etc I will always watch. Also, please don't hate on Jen for her decision to leave, I know it's hard and heart breaking but it is what it is and there is nothing we can do about it. Emma Swan will always be with us and will live on in all of our hearts and we can always watch her when we need her, I mean they don't release the seasons on DVD/ Blu-ray for nothing!
I am in love with this picture of Jen from last night! So beautiful, classy, vintage, and it's just everything just like she is everything!
So, those are my feelings on this whole roller coaster emotional week with Once Upon A Time. I'm as ready as I will ever be for Sunday and season 7!
~Peace and Love~
